Seeing foster care through a birth parent's eyes
Ranch Ehrlo’s Treatment Foster Care (TFC) program prides itself on filling gaps in service by placing children with loving, nurturing foster families who are fully trained to support children and youth.
Building strong support systems and creating environments where families can thrive is part of TFC’s ongoing commitment to children and youth longing for stability and searching for belonging.
Recently, TFC families participated in a group training session that offered a powerful and unique perspective from a birth mother who experienced having her children in foster care and later achieved successful reunification.
Martine Ahenakew has shared her story publicly before, but in this smaller setting, she connected with foster families on a deeper level – helping them better understand the thoughts and emotions birth parents experience when separated from their children.
“Martine has worked really, really hard to reunify with her kids,” TFC Director Kate Lagen said as she opened the meeting. “Today, Martine is working with Ranch Ehrlo’s Family Treatment Program, and her children are thriving. What is especially meaningful is that she continues to maintain a relationship with the foster parents who cared for her children during their time in the program. This really speaks to the power of compassion, partnership, and the role foster parents play in supporting not just children, but families.”
“Her story is one of resilience, hope, and transformation,” she added.
Martine shared her personal story of loss and addiction, and the incredibly difficult decision to surrender the care of her three children. Now on the other side of those hardships, she offered thoughtful insights, answered questions, and provided foster families with a deeper perspective and understanding.
The discussion centred on strengthening relationships and bridging the gap between biological and foster parents and working toward an alliance where adults can support one another and co-parent effectively for the best outcomes for the child.
Martine spoke about her own experiences with foster parents Heather Whitequill and Quincy Dustyhorn, who cared for her two daughters. Together, they built a collaborative and genuine relationship that remains intact years later.
While working together is not always easy, Martine acknowledged that foster families should remember that there is often much happening beneath the surface for birth parents.
“These parents are probably going through a lot of guilt and shame, and their anger is directed at the people in front of them, which is the foster parents,” she explained. “You have to find a way to build a relationship with them – get to know them, learn what they like, find out what they enjoy, and start there.”
For foster parents who have developed close relationships with birth parents, some still have questions about maintaining those connections when setbacks occur.
“I’m fairly close with my kiddos’ parents,” one foster parent shared. “A lot of times we see effort, but then there’s a slip and everything feels like it goes backwards… what advice would you give foster parents who want to give support?”
“Remind them that they are human,” Martine replied. “Remind them of the good things they’re doing.”
The conversation continued as foster parents asked how to navigate the triangulation between child, foster parent, and birth parent; how to handle situations where children call their foster parents ‘mom’ and ‘dad’; and how to support children who deeply miss their parents and struggle to understand their absence.
While Martine acknowledged she cannot speak for every birth parent, she shared honest reflections from her own experience, highlighting the importance of open and honest communication, even when those conversations are uncomfortable.
“Your story puts things in perspective for me – nobody’s lost, there is no closed door. We just need to keep praying and hoping for the parents,” foster mother Sue Hipfner told Martine. “I appreciate your story.”
Today, Martine is attending university. What began as a major in Cree Language Literacy has evolved into a degree in social work, where she hopes to impact lives by bringing lived experience and an authentic perspective to her future work. She continues to work with the Family Treatment Program and has had full custody of all three of her teenage children since 2021.
Like many parents, Martine still reflects on and questions some of her past parenting choices. But today, she believes her family is stronger and healthier than ever — creating space for each of them to grow and thrive together.
Martine credits Ranch Ehrlo’s TFC and family programs with playing a significant role in her journey. She also honours Quincy and Heather, the foster parents who stepped in to care for her children during a time when she was unable to. Their compassion, guidance, and support helped provide stability and love for her children, demonstrating the profound and meaningful role foster families play in a child’s life.